


As Beautiful As You Are To Me

by goddess_julie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angsty Schmoop, Drama, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 07:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_julie/pseuds/goddess_julie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur Pendragon is unattainably beautiful.  Merlin doesn't see his own beauty  and feels overwhelmed by the blonde.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Beautiful As You Are To Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as my Day 2 fic for Mini Nanowrimo on LJ. I'm doing 30 fics in 30 days in different fandoms. Merthur is where my heart rests.

Merlin Emrys knew he wasn’t posh. Or classically beautiful. Or someone that people fought over to be with. He did okay, if his past relationships with Gilli, Will and even the brief fling with Gwaine was anything to go by. But he couldn’t pull in the attention or the numbers that other men seemed to do with ease. He was fine with that, really he was. Except when he wasn’t. And right now, he really wasn’t. But that had more to do with a classically beautiful posh prat named Arthur Pendragon, who was all of the above with such abundance; he thought it gave him the right to be a right bastard to anyone who wasn’t up to his standards.

And clearly from the treatment Merlin had just received from the blonde haired, blue eyed god’s gift to human kind, he was clearly NOT up to Pendragon standards.

“Go speak to him,” Gwen encouraged with her sweet voice and her gentle eyes. “You watch him all the time but you don’t see him watching you.”

“He’s probably freaked out that I’m watching him,” Merlin argued as his cheeks turned a shade of crimson. 

“He doesn’t look freaked out, he looks curious.”

Merlin made the mistake of looking over only to see Arthur furrow his brow and avert his eyes.

“Yeah, curious. If by curious you mean annoyed.” Merlin clasped Gwen’s hand in his, patting it gently. “Not gonna happen.”

“He’s always been nice to me,” Gwen persisted with her line of defense. 

“You’re a girl,” Merlin argued. “And you’re Morgana’s sister; of course he’s nice to you. He’s probably afraid she’ll murder him in his sleep if he’s mean to you.”

“Everyone should be afraid I’ll murder them in their sleep if they’re mean to Gwen,” A voice said behind him, startling Merlin so much he knocked over his glass of water. They all scrambled to get out of the way of the spillage as Morgana cackled loudly. Merlin would deny his shrill squeak until the day he died and fought not to look the tall, lithe beauty in the eye.

“Morgana,” Gwen scolded with a chuckle. “You know how Merlin is …”

“Terrified of you,” Merlin finished for his friend under his breath. His words resulted in a new wave of laughter which had him blushing even more.

“It’s okay pet,” Morgana said hugging Merlin warmly. “I know, not everyone can handle my beauty. You and my brother included.” They all sat down as Merlin fought not to look over at Arthur, if the blonde was watching him make an ass of himself, he’d rather not know. “Why are we talking about Arthur?”

“No reason,” Merlin said quickly. It wasn’t fast enough as he listened in horror to Gwen.

“Merlin is besotted with Arthur and is too scared to ask him out.”

Morgana’s laughter only made Merlin’s scowl deepen. “I don’t get what people see in that boy. He’s such a…”

“Blonde god?” Gwen sighed. She blushed as both Merlin and Morgana started to laugh. “You know, if you like those types. Which I don’t, because I have Lancelot and he is so gorgeous and nice and perfect for me. But Merlin likes that type, which is what we are talking about, how Merlin likes Arthur and why are you both looking at me like that?”

Morgana winked at Merlin who let himself relax for the first time since Arthur had come into Camelot Coffee and sat down. “Anyway,” Morgana nodded at Merlin. “You should ask him out. He hasn’t gone on a proper date in ages.”

“Right,” Merlin scoffed. “Like that will happen. He would never be interested in me.”

“Why not?” Morgana asked with genuine kindness in her eyes. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Morgana,” Gwen gave a soft hiss. “You can’t just ask people that.”

The girls bickered back and forth until finally Merlin spoke up. “Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just …not in his league. He’s …. Well look at him. And I’m … well look at me.”

“Self-deprecation is not attractive Merlin Emrys.” Morgana raised an eyebrow and effectively shut him up. “Now go over there, ask my brother out now or someone else will and I’m going to have to spend ages listening to Gwen moan about how perfect you two would be together and how shameful it is that you just don’t see your own true worth…. You know how Gwen gets when she’s being all Mother Hen like and frankly, I don’t have the patience for it.” 

Merlin nearly argued but realized that Morgana was right. If he didn’t do it he’d never know. Not to mention he was still slightly terrified of the beautiful woman and he knew that it was always best to do what she said. “Fine, but when I crash and burn…”

“You won’t crash and burn,” Gwen promised. “You have to think positive.”

He stood up straight and squared his shoulders back. Ignoring the fluttering in his chest and the excitement in his belly, Merlin walked over to where Arthur was sitting alone, nursing a tea and reading the business news. “Arthur?” He said softly as he approached. At first there was no reaction and Merlin realized his voice was barely a whisper. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Hello Arthur.”

This time the blonde raised his head and looked startled at Merlin standing before him. He didn’t say a word.

With a deep breath Merlin refused to let Arthur’s lack of acknowledgement deter him. “I was just wondering … if you …” His gaze flickered over to where Morgana and Gwen were watching and flashing him encouraging smiles. “…maybe wanted to go out sometime. Like, for coffee or a drink or… you know, just out. Sometime. With me?”

A look of stunned confusion crossed Arthur’s face as he looked up into Merlin’s eyes. “Pardon?”

Merlin was thrown off guard for a moment. “Did you ...want to …go out sometime?”

“With you?”

Merlin’s heart stopped. He felt shame and embarrassment fill his whole body and he began to tremble with nervous energy. There was an expression on Arthur’s face akin to disbelief and dare say disgust which caused Merlin to look away into an empty corner for a moment. “Because that’s so horrible?”

“Is this some kind of joke?” Arthur asked incredulously. “Did my sister put you up to this?”

Merlin pushed back the disappointment and regret and let anger bubble up. “You know what Arthur Pendragon, fuck you.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked out, leaving his bag and scarf at the table. He had his wallet and keys to his flat in his pocket and his phone was still in his hands where he’d taken to fiddling with it nervously. The rest he would have to get from Gwen at a later time. Merlin needed to get out of that coffee shop as fast as he could, not bearing to see the pitying look on his friends’ faces.

When Merlin was safely locked in the privacy of his home, he immediately went into the shower to wash off the embarrassment of the day. Once he was out and wearing a pair of comfortable jogging pants and tee shirt he picked up his phone to find almost a dozen missed calls and texts, mostly from Gwen and a few from Morgana. Ignoring them all he fired off a text to Gwen.

_Don’t want to discuss it. Ever. Never bring it up, it’s done. Need my laptop and bag, please tell me you grabbed it._

Seconds later Merlin heard an alert indicating Gwen had responded. 

_I don’t like it but I will respect it. Morgana said to leave it alone and not push you. Of course I have your stuff. When should I bring it over?_

Merlin thought for a moment and realized he needed to go out and let go of some of his anger and frustration. He typed out a message to Gwaine first.

_Mate, wanna go out tonight? I need to get smashed._

The response was nearly instant.

_You? Smashed? This is serious. Of course. Boar’s Head at 8?_

_I’ll be there._

_Friends? Or benefits?_

Merlin smirked at Gwaine’s tact.

_Friends. I told you we weren’t doing that anymore._

_A lad can hope. See you tonight._

Merlin felt a bit of the residual anger towards Arthur diminish and he moved back to the conversation with Gwen. 

_I’ll call you in the morning/afternoon. I’m meeting up with Gwaine tonight to let off steam._

He could just see Gwen biting her lip with worry. As a second thought he added.

_Not like that Gwen, just as friends. I just need a friend tonight and it needs to be Gwaine._

_Be safe, and call me in the morning._

 

If there was one thing that Merlin could count on, was for Gwaine to help you forget about all of your troubles. It took the other man ten seconds to see the pain and anguish in Merlin’s features and vow that the night was going to be spent trying to cheer him up. Gwaine bought him pint after pint of his favourite beer, plied him with enough food to keep him going and helped him stumble home before putting him to bed with two Tylenol and a glass of water on his nightstand. 

No one blamed him for asking periodically what was wrong with him, why someone like Arthur Fucking Pendragon was so damn disgusted by the thought of them going out and what was so hideous about him that Gwaine was his longest relationship and they’d spent most of that as friends and not having sex let alone being romantic.

Gwaine let him lament over each beer, cheer with each shot that he downed and ignored the few tears that escaped, not saying a word except that if Arthur fucking Pendragon couldn’t see what was right in front of him, he didn’t deserve Merlin anyways.

It was with a pounding headache that Merlin started the day, reliving the night before both with fond gratitude and bitter regret. He had let Morgana and Gwen bully him into asking Arthur out and even though he knew he would have to either do it or move on, he’d wished it had not have been as publically embarrassing as it was. Swallowing down his anger and bitterness, Merlin phoned Gwen, surprised when Morgana answered the phone.

“Merlin, how are you?”

“Hung over, where is Gwen?”

“Still sleeping, she was up half the night worrying about you and feeling horrible because she’d pushed you into … well I’m sure you know.” 

Morgana paused and Merlin took a deep breath. He wasn’t surprised that Gwen had taken everything hard, especially since she was always so worried about everyone and hated to see anyone hurt, especially at her own hand.

“When can I get my stuff?” Merlin asked. “Plus I want to talk to her, let her know it’s okay.”

Morgana paused for a moment before speaking. “How about we meet for brunch at 1:30. At The Citadel.” Upon hearing Merlin’s gasp she chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s my treat.”

The Citadel was an upscale, very expensively fancy restaurant that usually had a waiting list the length of a football field for a table. Knowing the Pendragons, they most likely had to just show up and a table would be made available for them.

“It’s the least I can do to apologize for being related to Arthur.”

Merlin agreed and set off to make himself presentable to be seen at The Citadel on a Sunday morning for brunch. 

Merlin could feel the money instantly as he walked into the spacious restaurant. He stepped up to the Maître D and smiled. Before he could say a word the man smiled back warmly, more so than Merlin would have expected in a place like this.

“Mr. Emrys, so happy you could make it.”

Merlin’s eyes widened and he stepped back. “How…” 

“Ms. Le Fay let us know to expect you. Follow me, Sir.”

Merlin followed the man through the restaurant silently, looking around at the people dining in awe. He’d seen pictures of the restaurant, had driven by it but never had he stepped inside, let alone dined here. They proceeded through the main dining room to another smaller room where the man before him knocked before entering. Merlin’s chest was tight and he was suddenly hit with a wave of nervous energy. As they walked into the room, Merlin expected to see Gwen and Morgana sitting at the table which sat in the middle of the room, what he did not expect to find was Arthur Pendragon. Arthur sat at the table stiffly, looking uncomfortable and anxious. When their eyes met Merlin saw a faint red mark high on the blonde’s cheek.

“Are you okay? What happened to your cheek?” Merlin said with genuine concern. 

“Thank you Geoffrey,” Arthur said to the man who had lead Merlin through the restaurant. Seconds later they were alone. “Guinevere happened to my face,” Arthur said nervously.

They stood in the centre of the room, staring at one another with neither making a move to sit down until finally Arthur made a motion to the chairs before them. “Please, sit.”

“Why are you here?” Merlin did not budge. He stood in place, holding his arms around his waist protectively.

“To talk.” When Merlin made no move to sit Arthur sighed. “Also to return your things.”

It was then that Merlin saw his laptop bag and scarf on a table in the corner of the room. His eyes met Arthur’s curiously. “How do you have my things?”

“Guinevere.”

“Gwen gave them to you?”

“Please sit and I will explain.”

There was a knock on the door, startling Merlin. Seconds later an older gentleman entered with a friendly smile. “Mr. Pendragon, are you ready to order?”

“Yes Gaius, just bring us whatever. A little bit of everything.” Arthur looked to Merlin. “Is there anything you can’t eat or don’t like?”

Merlin shook his head.

“Just surprise us Gaius, please.”

“Yes, Sir.”

They were alone once again. Merlin, despite everything his head was telling him, sat down across the table from Arthur. He tried to ignore the blonde’s breathtaking beauty, even despite the tired eyes and the lines on his forehead, but found he couldn’t. Arthur was gorgeous and even after the events of the day before, Merlin felt his heart flutter. 

“I thought…” Arthur started softly. “I thought Morgana put you up to it.”

“What?”

“Yesterday.” Arthur took a sip of his orange juice, as if to stall. “I thought it was a joke.”

Merlin’s eyes narrowed and his lips curled into a frown. “What, me wanting to go out with you is a joke? You lowering yourself to go out on a date with me would be something funny? I mean clearly it is since you’ve hidden me in some private room so you don’t have to be seen with me…” Merlin’s anger rose and he stopped before he could work himself up too much. He could feel the wetness behind his eyes and refused to cry in front of Arthur fucking Pendragon.

“WHAT are you talking about Merlin?” Arthur asked in disbelief. 

“You’re clearly embarrassed at the thought of being seen with me…”

“Why would I be? What do…? Are you mad? Like, are you actually crazy?”

“Clearly I am if I thought you’d want to actually go on a date with me let alone…”

“You’re beautiful,” Arthur said with unabashed wonder. “You are stunningly gorgeous and of course I didn’t think you were serious about asking me out. Never once have you even spoken to me, you barely even acknowledge me when we are in the same room and the one time I get the nerve to come and say hello, you squeak at me that you have something else you need to do and you run off to Gwaine and leave the party just to get away from me.”

Merlin’s eyes widened and he couldn’t stop the gasp that fell from his lips. He remembered that party with perfect clarity, but that had not been what happened. “YOU get the nerve to speak to ME? Do you know how long I waited to get a chance to talk to you? You walk past me, say hello and I fucking yelped. Like a dog. Of course I ran off, I was so damn embarrassed that I couldn’t look you in the face.” Merlin covered his face with his hands, trying to hide the blush that was creeping up his neck at an alarming pace. “The something else I needed to do was die of embarrassment at being such a clotpole.”

Slowly, Merlin took the opportunity to look between his fingers across the table at Arthur who was watching him fondly. There was a small smile on his lips, lips that Merlin wanted to bite and lick and just taste, if not once than for the rest of his life.

“You think I’m beautiful?” Merlin asked in a small voice. Never in his life had he expected to hear that sentiment come from anyone, especially not Arthur Pendragon.

“Breathtaking.” Arthur looked embarrassed at the confession. “Your smile is captivating, your eyes mesmerizing. I just … You make me so nervous that I can’t say anything so I don’t. Morgana said if I didn’t …well if I didn’t at least speak to you, she would move things along for us.”

Merlin saw how much the confession was costing Arthur’s pride and he smiled, feeling bold and confident.

“And then she came in, sat down and you came over to ask me out. I thought she’d put you up to it, like ‘go ask my baby brother out for me please, as a favour because he’s too much of a twat to get his own dates’.”

“I thought you were revolted at the thought of going out with me.”

At the look of utter horror on Arthur’s face, a knock sounded at the door and Gaius entered with a cart of food. Silently, the older man laid out the food, refilled their glasses and exited the room. When they were alone again Arthur spoke.

“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. In my life.”

Merlin sat up straight. “I’m sorry, did I miss something in the ‘YOU want me to go out WITH YOU? Is this some kind of JOKE?” He spoke in Arthur’s posh accent causing the blonde to chuckle.

“I just …couldn’t believe that you…” Arthur diverted his eyes to his plate shyly. “I’m just not good at dating. And you’re…”

“Hopelessly besotted with you,” Merlin admitted just as shyly.

They shared a private smile, their feet brushing under the table playfully. They began to eat the food that had been placed on the table in front of them, both men feeling lighter than they had since their exchange the day before. 

“You know,” Arthur said as he stirred the sugar in his tea. “I didn’t bring you into a private room because I was embarrassed to be seen with you.”

Merlin wiped the maple syrup from his lip, pleased as Arthur’s gaze tracked the movement hungrily. “Oh?”

“I was..” Arthur averted his eyes as if trying to gather the courage to be honest. Finally, he turned and gave a small shrug. “I was worried you would try to leave, or just …fuck, I don’t know. I’m not as brave as you Merlin. I couldn’t just do it in front of a room full of people.”

“Brave? You think I’m brave?” Merlin was shocked. “I was so terrified yesterday.”

“I know, but you …you did it. And believe me, I got an ear …and a slap full last night from Guinevere and my sister.”

Merlin stood up and approached Arthur who slid back in his chair to make room for Merlin to stand between his legs. Gently, Merlin cupped Arthur’s face with his hands and stroked his cheeks. “It fucking hurt to think you thought I wasn’t good enough for you….” Merlin’s voice was so soft, but he knew Arthur heard every word. “But I understand where you’re coming from. I just… you have to know how beautiful you are. How out of my league you are and …”

Merlin’s words were silenced by Arthur standing up and pulling him close. Their lips met in a soft yet hungry kiss making Merlin’s knees wobble.

“Guinevere said you had no idea how beautiful you are. She told me that how we see you and how you see yourself are two different Merlins, but I want to show you how wrong you are. I want to spend as long as you’ll let me, proving to you how beautiful you are.”

Merlin was about to argue when Arthur shook his head.

“As beautiful as I am to you…”

“Prat,” Merlin chuckled as he kissed Arthur’s nose playfully.

“I’m serious, as beautiful as you think I am, that’s you. But …more.”

Lips meeting in a kiss that was becoming more familiar, both men clung to one another, afraid to let the other go for fear of it all disappearing. Finally, they pulled apart, gasping for air and breathing in one another.

“You know,” Arthur said softly, his lips brushing against Merlin’s jaw.

“Hmmm?”

“Morgana and Guinevere? They’re going to be insufferable now.”

Their eyes met and mirroring grins covered their faces. 

“I think,” Merlin said as he peppered Arthur’s face with kisses, “I’m okay with that.”

“Me too.”

Finis


End file.
